Author's Note: This is a poem I did to emulate Emily Dickinson's "I heard a Fly buzz--when I died--". I decided that instead of writing in the same morbid way she did, that I would do the opposite, and write with a romantic type of feel. This poem is a little cheesy, but it has that romantic mushy quality that is quite different than her original poem. It was a struggle to make everything fit between the dashes, but I think I did a pretty good job. The first poem is Emily's poem, and the one that follows is mine.
Thanks!
I heard a Fly buzz -- when I died --
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air --
Between the Heaves of Storm --
The Eyes around -- had wrung them dry --
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset -- when the King
Be witnessed -- in the Room --
I willed my Keepsakes -- Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable -- and then it was
There interposed a Fly --
With Blue -- uncertain stumbling Buzz --
Between the light -- and me --
And then the Windows failed -- and then
I could not see to see --
The Stillness in the Room
Was like the Stillness in the Air --
Between the Heaves of Storm --
The Eyes around -- had wrung them dry --
And Breaths were gathering firm
For that last Onset -- when the King
Be witnessed -- in the Room --
I willed my Keepsakes -- Signed away
What portion of me be
Assignable -- and then it was
There interposed a Fly --
With Blue -- uncertain stumbling Buzz --
Between the light -- and me --
And then the Windows failed -- and then
I could not see to see --
**
I saw a Twinkle -- in your eye --
It Quickly disappeared
And I was Quick to Search for It--
For it Showed you Cared--
The Night was young-- our hearts anew--
We sat beside the fire
Silent and Still-- the crackling Blaze--
Drowned out-- our Doubts and fears--
Your body's Close-- Next to mine
Our shoulders brush and meet
Connected-- I felt it then
What I must never Forget--
I Turned-- to see your shadowy Face--
The light was dim--and bleak--
But in your Eyes I saw--I swear
That Twinkle was not so weak--
Sophie,
ReplyDeleteYour poem is really good and it defiantly emulates Emily's poem very well. I like how you used the same formatting as her but choose to write about the opposite topic. It was purely romantic and your own style was reflected well even though you were consciously trying to mimic Emily's style. Great posting! :)
I agree with Alyssa completely. How you wrote about something so romantic compared to Emily's darker writing was very clever. You did a great job of impersonating her writing, but still involving your personal style within it. Great job Sophie, and I liked your revisions to it!(:
ReplyDeleteThat was really good. You could see the imitation of Emily's style easily, but you added your own part into it too.
ReplyDeleteYour poem was so pretty! You did a really good job of emulating her style but still making it completely opposite. I really liked how you used the dashes; they really helped the poem flow. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThe meaning/message of the poem or whatever didn't seem like something that Emily Dickinson would write. You did a good job of emulating her style though.
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful! I love how you captured her sense of sound and rhythm, and then changed the mode to be so sweet and uplifting. Dickinson is so depressing, and your poem totally had the opposite effect on me. You kept it really tight, and close to the original, and I appreciate how difficult that is to do. Excellent job.
ReplyDeleteSo far I agree with everybody else who has commented about you doing a good job emulating Emily Dickinson's style. I like the topic that you chose to write about also it was very different but at the same time similar. I really liked how while I read the poem the it made you picture someone with a twinkle in their eye.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this Sophie! It was totally opposite of Emily's theme that she wrote in her poem but that's because you added your own twist on to it. I liked how that you kept the style between your and her poem very similar but you still could really hear your voice within it.
ReplyDeleteSophie,
ReplyDeleteI love this poem. The whole time I read it I was smiling. The message is probably a little cheesy, but it's kind of cute too. You did a really nice job of emulating Dickinson and I like how you didn't write about he same themes she did. Great job.
I loved this poem, actually I think it is my favorite out of all the poems I have read so far. I agree it is a little cheesy but is really cute to. You did an amazing job imitating the original, and I actual like yours better than hers. Amazing piece.
ReplyDeleteThis was very nice! You totally got the format down, but I liked how you were able to turn something dark into something sweet. You also had your own voice in this which also makes for a strong poem. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAww I don't think that was cheesy! I thought it was adorable! I loved this! :) and I agree with the whole thing about how your poet is so depressing and you made this really happy while still emulating it.... so nice job! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is really good Sophie, you captured Emily's style of writing but still had your own style as well. Also I really like the format you used, it's unique and suits this poem well. Nice job!
ReplyDelete