Author's Note: This is a piece I found while looking through my past journal entries. Of course, I have revised it quite a bit, by changing a lot of the lines, and switching it from a robert frost like layout to a kind of funnel layout. I wanted to use that because the theme of this piece is very mysterious, and kind of depressing, so I wanted the reader to get kind of excited and into it by reading less and less every line. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!
The heat captures me in it's sticky grasp
The back of my arms, legs, neck, burn from the black gravel
My eyes stare at the stretch of blue sky, and white clouds as it blurs together
The ground beneath me vibrates a small, pulsing rhythm, over, and over
Thousands of ripples, growing larger until I can hear a distant engine
Its big, I can feel how the massive weight of it shakes the ground
Appearing in the distance, I do not need to look, for I know
Its speed maintains, a bull charging toward a rep cape
But I'm no red cape, I'm gray, barely noticable
The fumes fill my nose, numb my body
Its giant shadow sweeps over me
I do not flinch, I wait
And after it's over
I stay the same
Here
Wow... you haven't been getting very many comments, not cool. But this poem is really good and I loved that you used a "funnel" effect as you said. This style adds a lot to the dramatic effect. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteLike Alyssa said, I liked how used a funnel effect on this piece of writing. It added a lot of drama to the pace of the poem, and really made the last few lines sink in.
ReplyDeleteLoved this! I totally agree with Alyssa and Autumn about the format of the poem it fitted really well with the topic. In the line when it's talking about the bull charging towards the red cape you misspelled red wrong, but otherwise it was fantastic!
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome format! I like that it trails off like that, and it leaves the reader hanging. Like the others said it gives a very dramatic affect, which I think is what you were going for. Great poem!
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