Author's Note: This is a piece I did based on a painting I saw at the Milwaukee Art Museum. For some reason, this painting gave me a lot to write about, so I chose it. At first I wanted to make it a poem, but it didn't feel right, so it's just kind of a journal entry-ish free form piece. I hope you enjoy it! Also, there is a picture of the painting below the piece.
My fingers wrap around the cold steel bars, one by one.
I've lost all of the reasons to grab onto that metal monster--
It encases
traps
suffocates.
I've lost all reason, but one.
I don’t hold on to beg for forgiveness, or to try to break out, I hold on to feel something. The smooth cold nature does not forgive, does not accept, it bites back; it shocks me enough to make me feel again, feel what I've done, what this place has done to me. It is my own kind of drug, the simple feeling of something like that is enough to get me by.
Too soon though, the bars become one with my hands, intertwined so much that it makes me sick. I damage everything around me, like a parasite growing stronger by the minute, but instead...
I grow weaker.
I reach through, grabbing for the light I see in the distance, the light that started out so bright, but now fades every time I glance back. I don't usually dare too look, for fear that it might fade completely, and that is the only thing I have left, but I am too far gone to care, for nothing can get worse, so I give in, grab for it with all my might, preparing for what happens next.
I reach through, grabbing for the light I see in the distance, the light that started out so bright, but now fades every time I glance back. I don't usually dare too look, for fear that it might fade completely, and that is the only thing I have left, but I am too far gone to care, for nothing can get worse, so I give in, grab for it with all my might, preparing for what happens next.
I keep reaching, only to have it fade faster than I could have ever imagined, dark purple the color of the fading sunset, into green as dark as the blacks of my eyes. They are the most beautiful colors in the rainbow, turning foul as they match the color of the dirty space around me, turning into memory as the light disappears forever.
I was wrong, I was not too far gone, I was at a crossroads, and I took the wrong route.
I am worse than too far gone now, I am forever erased in the minds of all who knew me, all who cared. I stumble back, and slide down the wall in a dark corner of my cell, prepared to spend the rest of my days here--
No.
Prepared to leave my body now, and have the empty shell that was once me remain, to gather dust, to rot for eternity, for no one will fine me.
No one wants to.
I like the authors note. :)Anyways for the poem I liked how you had a thicker writing section and then a line after, it adds a lot more power. It would be interesting if you put it into a complete poem and less full lines, that might ruin the feel of the poem but it would be interesting. When I saw the painting at the bottom I didn't see what it was at first, and then I saw the hands and bars... it scared me. It was really cool what you did with that painting and put a whole story with it. I liked it. :)
ReplyDeleteI really really liked the poem a lot. It was interesting how you took the painting, I would've gone a complete different way with the piece. But it was very creative and I thought the piece was very well written. Nice job Sophie I loved it :)
ReplyDeleteYou took this experience and really went with it! I love the poem. The format reflects the painful, imprisoned feeling -- those lines that just seem to run into one another without any concern for sound, or rhythm. Then when you break it up, it becomes almost reflective. It's hard for the reader, that is, for me, to follow quite exactly what is happening, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's like a painting; sometimes we aren't even sure what the artist wants us to see. Overall, this is a really powerful poem, and one that shows what you are capable of doing. You are such an artist!
ReplyDeleteThis was crazy good Sophie!!! I really liked how the stanza's were all different sizes it made it interesting and really good. I do agree with Erin that if you broke down the lines a little more it would look more like a poem but I loved it how it is right now!!!
ReplyDeleteThe format made the reader start reading faster until we hit the one lines and then we slow back down. It added a really cool dramatic effect to the piece and I thought that you touched on some really cool topics. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing how you intertwined the words to make me feel as the person in the picture did. I really liked how you played with the syntax of the writing, by making the sentences longer. It still all felt like a poem.
ReplyDeleteI like the formatting of your poem. It stands out and gives it more power and meaning when you had the larger stanza and then the smaller line. I really liked your poem!
ReplyDeleteI like the way that it still sounded similar to a journal entry yet was in fact a finished piece. It was a very intriguing form that it was put into. It also fit with the painting really well.
ReplyDeleteSophie this is so good! Everything in it was so descriptive and detailed, the experience you portrayed in the poem was sad but an eye opener. Also I really liked your choice of wording throughout the poem, overall really good. :)
ReplyDeleteI like how you managed to make a picture into a story with a whole new level of meaning. It's like seeing the world behind the picture and utting the reader in the place of the person in the picture only adds to the experience. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSophie, I love that you are not afraid to just write what you feel, and you don't find free writing a bad thing. I actually love how you make this piece hard to pinpoint what form it's in, but yet it's so solid and unique. Great job.
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